Hope & Purpose / Relationships / Self Care

Catch & Release

guy with woman checking out another woman

Most men ‚Äúpaint the perfect picture‚ÄĚ for a woman they‚Äôre going after¬†even though they¬†have no intention of¬†fulfilling that.¬†This type of man is practicing ‚ÄúCatch and Release‚ÄĚ (C&R).¬†The Urban Dictionary defines catch and release¬†(noun)¬†as¬†the practice of hooking up with someone and not becoming emotionally/physically attached to them.¬†The wrong man will usually tell¬†a woman¬†what¬†she¬†wants¬†to hear, rather than what¬†she¬†needs¬†to hear because there is¬†one thing on¬†his¬†mind. The true goal, of course,¬†is¬†just¬†to have sex.¬†In the moment, a¬†C&R man¬†will¬†make a woman¬†feel special, like he is that man who truly cherishes and wants¬†her. In reality,¬†he is manipulating¬†her¬†into thinking he actually loves¬†her.¬†What he is feeling is not love but lust, which is¬†only for the moment.¬†When a woman¬†caves¬†in and believes¬†the lie that he actually wants a lifetime with¬†her,¬†does she compromise and give him what¬†he was after (sex). Once¬†compromised, the true heart of the man is revealed as¬†he has no more use for¬†her; she was conquered, he won, now he‚Äôs out.¬†He then releases¬†her (takes her off the hook)¬†and moves onto the next ‚Äúcatch‚ÄĚ, leaving¬†the woman¬†hurt,¬†confused¬†and bitter.¬†The truth is, he truly wasn‚Äôt¬†ever¬†that into¬†her¬†like¬†she hoped he would be.¬†There is a saying,¬†‚ÄúWhy buy the cow, when¬†you can get the¬†milk¬†for¬†free.‚Ä̬†
A C&R man will¬†focus on himself, he‚Äôs a bit narcissistic¬†‚Äď talking about himself, never really interested in the woman‚Äôs interests or¬†needs. He will get upset if the woman¬†doesn‚Äôt pay attention to him, wants more than part time friendship,¬†or¬†expresses dissatisfaction with how the relationship is going and¬†he then¬†threatens¬†to¬†end the relationship. A C&R man will expect¬†the woman to pay her part and his without complaint. He will say things like he is looking for the perfect woman¬†– his¬†‚Äúsoul-mate‚ÄĚ, someone he can¬†grow old with. The implication is the woman¬†is the one¬†up until¬†she¬†gives¬†in and has¬†sex with¬†him.¬†A woman knows she‚Äôs the¬†victim¬†of¬†a¬†C&R¬†man¬†when she reaches out but he ignores her¬†calls¬†and does¬†not return them, blocs¬†her,¬†and¬†does¬†not text back, because all¬†she¬†was¬†to him was a good catch¬†‚Äď a momentary fling, someone to fill up some time with.¬†
It is not uncommon for a C&R man to¬†already be in a relationship, yet he says he is¬†single. Once he gets that ‚Äúfree milk‚ÄĚ, he goes back to¬†the other chick¬†leaving¬†the woman¬†feeling shameful, embarrassed, angry, sad, hurt,¬†bitter, and¬†mind boggled.¬†
Another old saying: Everything that glitters isn’t gold! Do not be fooled by a man who is only thinking of himself and is unconcerned about the feelings of another person. This type of man is only out to please himself, does not care who he hurts, and does not care that he has to lie to benefit himself. 
Do not lose hope, do not be discouraged, do not fall for¬†the¬†lies because you‚Äôre lonely. Do not fall into temptation because you‚Äôre feeling a certain way. Be patient and know that¬†The¬†Lord is working¬†all things out¬†in your favor. Do not¬†cave¬†into¬†the¬†peer-pressure, those words that say everyone is doing it. That‚Äôs just another trick¬†to get¬†him¬†what he wants.¬†Sleeping around with different men thinking ‚Äúhe¬†will love me if I have sex with him,‚Ä̬†or¬†‚ÄúIf I give him what he wants, he¬†will¬†give me what I want‚ÄĚ (i.e., marriage).¬†
It is proven, having sex with a man will not make him love you, it will only fulfill his desire and once that desire is finished, so are you. 
The Lord God says in Jeremiah 29:11: 
‚ÄúFor I know the plans I have for you,¬†. . .¬†Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, Plans to give you hope and a future.‚Ä̬†
God has a great plan for you. He says that it is okay to say ‚ÄúNO‚ÄĚ.¬†NO is a complete sentence. Single does not equal¬†lonely, lacking or inferior. Single¬†is a woman¬†who¬†knows her worth and is willing to wait for a man that is confident¬†in His God,¬†serves in his local church, knows¬†his own worth, is able to provide¬†(financially, emotionally, spiritually), and¬†lead¬†as protector/spiritual covering.¬†
Do NOT be discouraged for your time will come. A genuine man will come to you when you least expect it. Then you will thank God for keeping you patient, guarding your heart, and having faith in Him.  
‚ÄúMay the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in¬†him,¬†so¬†that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.‚Ä̬†

TRUST IN GOD and believe that He will send you the right man, at the right time. You will save yourself a world of heartbreak and disappointment. Think twice so you’re not one of many who have been Caught and Released. 

About Author

Karen is an Associate Pastor at CrossWord Christian Church in Moreno Valley, CA. She is also the dynamic leader of the Winsome Women's Ministry there. Karen is also a Certified Birth and Postpartum Doula. In addition to walking in her purpose as a doula and encourager, she is the proud wife of Bishop L. Kirk Sykes, a beloved mother of 5, and "Mim" to six grandchildren.

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